Fat? Maybe? Definitely Not.

Growing up I was thin.  I attested it to constantly dancing and being Indian; considering homemade Indian food is extremely healthy.  Once I left home and moved to college my eating habits took a turn for the worse and I was not so thin anymore.  Top that with constantly drinking my hips and my stomach began to widen.  Looking back at pictures from those years I think, “Damn I look fat.”

Fortunately, I was introduced to dance like aerobics classes offered at the university gym.  I slimed down and my body was toned for the first time in my life.  However, during the time I spend working out, I found myself looking in the mirror thinking, “I wish my stomach was tighter and my thighs toned.”  I would go out to eat and second-guess my order wondering about the fat content. 

Those moments made me realize how easy it is to slip into an eating disorder.  I never truly understood how someone could look in the mirror and see something other than what is right in front of them.  When I started working out and watching what I ate solely to lose weight I understood how people could lose sight of who they are and focus on what they appear to be to others.

We live in a society where magazine covers consist of stick thin airbrushed models with “How to lose 10 lbs. fast” in bold letters.  Movies and television portray huskier women as not desirable, but the ugly friend.  Being thin was not about being healthy but being sexy and attractive. 

After graduating from college, I moved back home and began working at my father’s pediatric office where I devoured the “chocolate drawer.”  Months later a friend was packing for Medical School and left a scale out to weigh the luggage.  I weighed myself and saw a number I had never seen associated with my size before.  Right there I decided it was time not to exercise but to watch what I eat.  It was time for me to be healthy and make healthy choices.  It was time I stopped judging myself for the few times I would indulge in a little something.  Being healthy became my focus instead of being skinny.  That mentality gave me complete freedom to enjoy food and exercise in the moment.  I realized that appearance is not what you look like but how you present yourself. Confidence makes heads turn.  Intelligence keeps a persons attention. Striving to be healthy and making healthy choices should be the goal.  Not the ability to walk on the beach in a tiny bikini.  Own who you are and nothing else matters.