Third grade was the year of three-minute arithmetic tests. Each student had three minutes to correctly calculate 100 problems of addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. I distinctly remember the different colored paper for each exam. My heart raced and my mind became flustered as I tried to answer addition questions on the bright pink sheet of paper. It seemed as though my classmates were not encountering the same predicament because they moved onto multiplication while I was still struggling with addition. At that point my teacher, Mrs. Heggaman, decided it was time to move onto subtraction even though I did not pass the addition test.
Fast-forward seventeen years; I arrive at New York Port Authority Bus Terminal for a friend’s bachelorette party and must take a cab to the meet up spot. My heart rate began to increase, my palms began to sweat, and my mind began to race as I tried to catch a cab. Nervous and confused I began aimlessly walking the crowded streets of Manhattan unable to hail a cab. So I took a deep breath and thought, “I went to school in a city where cabs were the only form of transportation. I can do this.” Twenty minutes later I successfully reached the lounge relieved thinking, “What was the need for all that anxiety?”
Months later my father, the pediatrician, explained once your heart begins to race your mind looses all logic and turns to fight or flight mode (yup, felt that). The way to control anxiety is by controlling your heart rate. He prescribed a small does of medication for when I attend big functions or outings that would cause anxiety.
Does it work? Technically yes. With a slower heart rate than usual, I had an almost Zen mindset. But no medication can change existing thoughts. If I feel uncomfortable or uneasy in a situation my mind will still fill with contradictory thoughts. The only difference is I am calm enough to remind myself that everything is fine and nothing is impossible.
Once my anxiety was given a name, I began noticing it more often, which made it, feel as though it was getting worse. Actually I was getting worse. I realized my anxiety comes from thinking that people are judging me the way I judge myself. It’s portrayed in teen coming of age movies as a character walking down the hall as peers watch, pointing and laughing. In reality, nobody is paying attention. Confidence is the cure to my anxiety. Unfortunately, confidence does not come in a pill. But as I said before, if I own I am, nothing else matters.
Fast-forward seventeen years; I arrive at New York Port Authority Bus Terminal for a friend’s bachelorette party and must take a cab to the meet up spot. My heart rate began to increase, my palms began to sweat, and my mind began to race as I tried to catch a cab. Nervous and confused I began aimlessly walking the crowded streets of Manhattan unable to hail a cab. So I took a deep breath and thought, “I went to school in a city where cabs were the only form of transportation. I can do this.” Twenty minutes later I successfully reached the lounge relieved thinking, “What was the need for all that anxiety?”
Months later my father, the pediatrician, explained once your heart begins to race your mind looses all logic and turns to fight or flight mode (yup, felt that). The way to control anxiety is by controlling your heart rate. He prescribed a small does of medication for when I attend big functions or outings that would cause anxiety.
Does it work? Technically yes. With a slower heart rate than usual, I had an almost Zen mindset. But no medication can change existing thoughts. If I feel uncomfortable or uneasy in a situation my mind will still fill with contradictory thoughts. The only difference is I am calm enough to remind myself that everything is fine and nothing is impossible.
Once my anxiety was given a name, I began noticing it more often, which made it, feel as though it was getting worse. Actually I was getting worse. I realized my anxiety comes from thinking that people are judging me the way I judge myself. It’s portrayed in teen coming of age movies as a character walking down the hall as peers watch, pointing and laughing. In reality, nobody is paying attention. Confidence is the cure to my anxiety. Unfortunately, confidence does not come in a pill. But as I said before, if I own I am, nothing else matters.
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