As a child I believed my mind was like a messy room with clothes everywhere. Cleaning the room would be the only way to have a clear and peaceful mind. With that, I would be able to achieve anything. I figured the only way to "clean my messy mind" was to journal all my thoughts as often as possible. It wasn't until years later when I attended a spiritual yoga class that I realized it was not about the writing itself but the questions we chose to ask ourselves. The course forced me to dig deeper than I ever intended. Occasionally, it caused me to walk away from journaling for days at a time just because I was not prepared for what I would uncover. Ultimately, I was always pleasantly surprised how painless and eye opening the discovery was.
If nothing else, the class taught me to be aware. To notice not only what's going on around me, but my own reactions to my surroundings. In the beginning, I realized that I always gave people the benefit of the doubt, even when they used words to stab me. I thought,"Maybe they are reacting to something I said or did. I should watch myself." Analyzing my every move and every conversation, I tried to make sure I never at fault for another's adverse emotion.
Though I believe it is important to be aware of ones actions, constant analysis of those actions can be counter productive and give way for one to enter into an emotionally abusive relationship. A relationship where ones' own feelings are not respected on the same level as another's. I noticed my own thought process was falling into that category. It wasn't until a friend pointed out how others were treating me that I allowed myself to feel insulted/offended by their actions, even though I felt it at the time.
My emotions are valid and should be treated as such. So I need to find a balance where my emotions do not get the best of me and my analysis does not discount my feelings. This will allow me to stand-up to over bearing personalities. It is time for me to stand-up.
If nothing else, the class taught me to be aware. To notice not only what's going on around me, but my own reactions to my surroundings. In the beginning, I realized that I always gave people the benefit of the doubt, even when they used words to stab me. I thought,"Maybe they are reacting to something I said or did. I should watch myself." Analyzing my every move and every conversation, I tried to make sure I never at fault for another's adverse emotion.
Though I believe it is important to be aware of ones actions, constant analysis of those actions can be counter productive and give way for one to enter into an emotionally abusive relationship. A relationship where ones' own feelings are not respected on the same level as another's. I noticed my own thought process was falling into that category. It wasn't until a friend pointed out how others were treating me that I allowed myself to feel insulted/offended by their actions, even though I felt it at the time.
My emotions are valid and should be treated as such. So I need to find a balance where my emotions do not get the best of me and my analysis does not discount my feelings. This will allow me to stand-up to over bearing personalities. It is time for me to stand-up.
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